Updates

Journal

A bit of my Medical Journal {for those facing a similar diagnosis or are simply curious}.
Before November 2017, I knew nothing about breast cancer, just that it was awful and affected way too many people. The things I've learned have been through doctors, websites, others in the fight, and experiments of my own. This page is just to keep track of my cancer journey, for those that might be facing breast cancer or perhaps those just interested in what it’s like to walk this road. Everyone's breast cancer journey (even if it's the same type) is extremely different, so don't take any of this as science. It's just my experience.

2023

01/26 Thankful for a plan: medically, spiritually, physically. Really hit a rough patch during the holidays. Exhausted from radiation and just a general tiredness of all of these treatments, etc. Got pretty down but so thankful for hubbs and friends and family that always come around me and lift me up - reminding me that this is hard stuff I'm dealing with and I can be upset, I just can't stay there. Sometimes it was moment-by-moment prayers for God to just lift my spirit and give me peace. Honestly my spirit was just kind of sad. But something changed the day of the last PET scan. I woke up with SUCH peace. I didn't even check to see the results right away - I took a long nap first! A reminder to myself when I feel distanced, keep on praying and expecting that peace to come. Things are hard. Life is hard, but God is good.
01/20 Trip to UNC Breast Center to see if there are any clinical trials or new treatments available that might work for me. Great doc. No trials but lots of treatment options. She and local oncologist agree on the next plan: Faslodex, Ibrance and Zometa. I'm so thankful for my local oncologist. She knows her stuff. No matter where I go, she always knows what's best for me. The side effects should be much more tolerable on the new meds. Not really too excited about 2 jelly shots, one in each cheek every two weeks...you read that right - jellY not Jell-O shots :) lol.
01/21 Most amazing experience today. My daughter's volleyball team had a game and each player had #TeamWhite written on their arms! And switched some of their cheers throughout the games to include my name. They dedicated the game to me...and they nailed it! Wahoo! After the games, the team surrounded me and laid hands on me and prayed. It was such a powerful prayer. When I opened my eyes I could see tears streaming down some of the girl's faces. The Holy Spirit was with us. Right in that middle school gym. I can't thank the players and the coaches enough!
01/14 PET Scan today. Showed some progression. The lymph node that we've been radiating is resolved - thank You Jesus! But now there are quite a few more in that same spot as well as some bone progression. Explains the pain I continue to have.
01/04 Back to Radiation. (See, I told you it wouldn't take long for me to be back here :). But today is a one and done. A higher dose to one bone - my ischial tuberosity (also called your sit bones). I've had a ton of pain in this area and Radiation onc thinks one treatment should help. Also, great to chat with him afterward about all the trials that are around the corner - very promising. It's all about chemistry! So thankful for both of my oncologists and their teams. Really a blessing.
01/01 Happy New Year's! Thanks to a dear friend, I've been able to listen to an incredible sermon on "God's Medicine". Just what I needed - a plan! Here's to healing in 2023!

2022

12/31 Happy New Year's Eve. Y'all I am SO VERY TIRED. I guess it's the radiation after effects but I don't think I can even make it until 12! I am so ready for 2023. I love a new year. So many possibilities. I am looking forward to really leaning into Jesus during this next year. All the physical stuff has been getting me down and I'm so ready to put those thoughts in their place and focus on the Healer who has so much in store for me!
12/21 Appointment with oncologist to discuss next steps. We are going to hold off on the next treatment and head up to UNC to meet with their breast team. We need to see what might be available for me as far as treatments and trials go.
12/20 Radiation treatment #30. Finally reached the end. They gave me a certificate and all, but that doesn't do anything for me anymore. Didn't even ring the bell. This all seems like too much of a regular thing to celebrate, you know? But I guess every treatment completed successfully is worth of celebrating - so I better change my outlook.
12/19 Radiation treatment #29
12/16 Radiation treatment #28
12/15 Radiation treatment #27
12/14 Radiation treatment #26
12/13 Radiation treatment #25
12/12 Radiation treatment #24 and pelvic MRI, but when I showed up for the test, it had been cancelled. Later in the afternoon, at a follow up appointment I was told the cancellation was a mistake. So back on the waitlist. Grrr... But for today, we still had to have a planning CT for that pelvis area that will receive radiation next.
12/9 Radiation treatment #23
12/8 Radiation treatment #22
12/7 Radiation treatment #21
12/6 Bone scan and then radiation treatment #20. Found a couple of interesting spot that we we look further into, but one may need radiation soon, so we will schedule another CT scan for planning.
12/5 Radiation treatment #19 and appointment with Radiation oncologist
12/2 Radiation treatment #18
12/1 Radiation treatment #17
11/30 Radiation treatment #16 and appointment with cardiologist to review a CT scan that, as it turns out was focused on the wrong organ - lungs instead of heart. Grrr. So now it needs to be redone.
11/29 Radiation treatment #15 HALFWAY! Wahoo! Excited to be halfway but for real tired and today just so icky feeling and did I mention tired? Lol. So thankful for the meals we've been getting from our "village". We have incredible support and such good friends that love on us in so many ways. Thank you, from the bottom of our hearts.
11/28 Radiation treatment #14 and appointment with radiation oncologist. Beams are still shooting the tumor everyday - we won't know anything until we scan after radiation is done.
11/23 Radiation treatment #13
11/22 Radiation treatment #12
11/21 Radiation treatment #11
11/20 Radiation treatment #10...on a Sunday. Weird. But to make up for being off on Thanksgiving. And a brain scan.
11/18 Radiation treatment #9
11/17 Radiation treatment #8
11/16 Today marks five years since my original diagnosis. Hard to believe. Radiation treatment #7 and an x-ray to make sure new pain in a different spot in my femur isn't a fracture or something like that.
11/15 Radiation treatment #6
11/14 Radiation treatment #5 and appointment with doc. He thinks everything looks good and going as planned. So thankful.
11/11 Radiation treatment #4
11/10 Radiation treatment #3
11/9 Radiation treatment #2 and met with my radiation oncologist. Love him. So thorough and really listens. Can't ever beat that in a doc.
11/8 Started radiation again today. This go around will be 30 treatments. 6 weeks. Wow.
10/27 Usually my posts are more medical, but I have to share that we added a new member to our family! The sweetest pup ever. She's a rescue from the local shelter and while I did not think I could possibly add one more thing to our family plate, she has been the biggest blessing. The kids and I adopted her for hubbs birthday. They walk dogs at the local shelter regularly and had fallen in love with her and have always wanted a dog, but I have been on the fence. Welp, now I'm in love. She's such a snuggler and her wanting to lay beside me all the time has been the BEST therapy ever! Thank You God for this sweet, unexpected blessing!
10/26 CT scan to plan radiations. Back to these fun little stickers all over my body. Ha!
10/25 So very tired. It's like when I overdo it, I pay for it for days. That or starting a new round of chemo. I just feel like I can't get up off the couch. Prayers please, for energy.
10/24 Met with radiation oncologist today to determine a treatment plan. Looks like targeted radiation for either 3 weeks or 6 weeks.
10/5 Surgical procedure @ the hospital today to see if they could reach the lymph node in question. Because of the location (near the trachea) I was put under general anesthesia so they could attempt to access it via my airway with an ultrasound scope. I am so thankful that this incredible doc was able to get to it. He was able to poke through the airway and get several pinhead-sized samples. Exactly what we need. Information about this tumor and what's driving it.
9/19 Lots of appointments this week with Cardiologist (to check heart for multiple reasons: the chest pressure I've had on and off, to check for longterm side effects from "red devil" chemo (and radiation)). Will have an echocardiogram (because with the leg the way it is, I can't do the treadmill test) and a heart CT.
9/14 3 month PET scan. Meh. Lots of appointments coming up. Here we go again. Basically, scan shows that the cancer in my bones is active again (not intense activity, but activity nonetheless) and there is an area in my chest, a lymph node. Bottom line: the oral chemo I'm on is no longer working.
9/12 PT update: I've been doing PT twice a week since.... I can't even remember. I've been most recently working with the best, local, women-owned practice. I can't begin to tell you how much I've learned. Confidence has been the biggest win. Those girls know their stuff and with them, I was able to put pressure on my foot and finally walk! Praise!
8/30 Weird chest pressure - not pain but when I wake up in the morning, I feel like I've got an elephant sitting on my chest. It's a very strange feeling and it's usually accompanied by fatigue and breathing is ever so slightly labored. Almost like when I take a deep breath in, I can't feel my lungs all the way.
8/16 Struggling with the oral chemo again. Always when I've had a break and then re-start it. Nausea at times and the weird thing is sadness. These two are subsiding, thankfully. And last but not least the good ol' hand and foot rash.
7/24 Stared oral chemo after a break while I had Covid. It's funny, I realize that my body gets so used to feeling the way it does when I'm on meds, that when I'm off them for an extended period of time I get to really feel good. Sometimes I forget entirely what that feels like.
7/13 Happy birthday to me...best gift ever was to leave my bedroom today! Got a little excited about that and drank some coffee. Wow, bad idea. Threw up like never before. Realized I def need to stay on my Prilosec and avoid coffee! After a very long nap, I got to spend the evening with Kevin and the kiddos. This is exactly what my heart needed. Oh how I have missed them!
7/9 After over 2 years of avoiding it, Covid hit our house. Started with our little guy at the end of June - after being sick for a few days, he passed it to me and Kevin. I had it bad. Spent two weeks quarantined in my room. A few of those days, I hardly got up at all. I felt like everything hurt and couldn't eat or drink. Ugh. I never want to feel that way again. Finally feeling better but STILL testing positive.
5/27 Continuing with in home PT, but Covid numbers seem to be kicking up again and I'm less comfortable having people that may have been exposed, in my home. Stupid, Covid. It stinks too because I've really liked my PT girl.
5/26 Appointment with Orthopedic surgeon. Fracture is healed! PRAISE! Will need to continue PT and build my confidence about using the foot and practicing gas/break so I can drive again (hopefully soon!).
5/24 First day of in-home PT. Apparently something got mixed up with the paperwork, so PT was delayed by like a month. Bummer. But having her here was GREAT! I love having a specific plan and something to work at. These exercises seem so simple, but shewwww they are no joke. Ice afterwards helps so much!
5/23 Monthly appointment with oncologist and my shot of bone meds (Xgeva). We are thinking that my dizzy/nausea spells have been from stopping/starting my meds instead of being consistent with the pain management protocol I'm on. Also, we know that my body is super sensitive to all things hormones and the nature of my oral chemo (3 weeks on, 1 week off) could be contributing to why I'm like an emotional rollercoaster sometimes.
4/28 Appointment with Orthopedic surgeon. Healing of the fracture is starting! Praise!
5/9 Appointment with Radiation Oncologist for follow up on last radiation treatment. All seems ok. Back pain acting up a little more now that I'm more mobile on my walker.
4/25 Random update...doing ok. Little improvements every day. Still on my trusty little walker - unable to put full pressure on my leg yet. In all honesty, it's been quite frustrating. Not sleeping well (bc it's hard to get comfortable) at night doesn't help. I'm ready to be able to drive again. But I'm SO thankful for the many people that have been so kind to drive me to appointments and help drive my kids all over the place. It's really been a blessing! And I sit here and type this, I'm really reminded of just how far I've come. A few short weeks ago, I couldn't even have my laptop on my lap. So thankful for all the healing He's doing in my body! Praise. The answer to complaining. :)
4/14 Radiation treatment
4/7 CT scan for planning of radiation treatment.
4/6 Appointment with Oncologist. I can re-start oral chemo now that my leg has had a chance to heal a bit. Labs and tumor markers looking really good! Praise!
4/4 Appointment with Radiation Oncologist to decide on next steps. We will just do one treatment to the leg to sort of "sterilize" the area from any potential cancer cells. (My femur already received 5 treatments last summer). From what I understand, sometimes surgery in the bones where cancer is can stir things up a bit - so we want to make sure we are proactive about that.
3/29 Just have to take a minute to say how incredible my husband is. Y'all, he is incredible - he is literally juggling it ALL - getting the kids ready, getting little guy to school, packing lunches, laundry, meals...all while working full time. I can't thank God enough for giving me this man. #rockstar Our friends and family have been so incredibly supportive as well. We can't thank everyone enough.
3/25 - 3/27 I attended, for the first time, the Young Survivor's Coalition Summit - which was completely virtual this year AND free and perfect for this girl - who is stuck in bed. It kicked off on Friday with a writing retreat put on by Wildfire Writing Workshops and it was fabulous! The rest of the weekend was packed with so much information. The conference was incredibly well done and I learned so much about this cancer journey that so many of us face. I hope to gather the info and share it on my site for others. SO many great resources!
3/24 Post-op appointment. As far as the surgery goes, everything is healing up nicely. The incisions are small and clean. The fracture hasn't healed at all but this is typical for the first weeks after a break. Walker for a few more weeks, until I can put enough pressure on it to switch to a cane. He took a lot of time to go over my x-rays and fully explain where he took the biopsy samples from, etc. So thankful for this! Will continue to let the leg heal and then will proceed with radiation.
3/22 Met with my oncology NP to check in. Got the BEST news... NO CANCER was found in the biopsies that the doc took from inside my femur. This is a huge praise! I didn't think there would be living cancer there (the PET didn't show it, etc.) but you never know. I'll take this win :) Also, had Xgeva injection today.
3/20 This week has been rough. I cannot do much for myself and it's quite maddening. Lots of tears and frustration.
3/18 Pain continued to increase, meds were not helping. I literally cried off and on all day. My oncologist called to check on me and heard me crying and knew it wasn't like me. She is like an angel - she knows me so well and has such medical intuition to know exactly what I need. I am SO thankful for her and the way she's super in tune to God and how He works in us to use our skills to help those in need. My surgeon also called and together they arranged to get me in right away fro an x-ray. Turns out the femur is fractured. Ugh. I remember hearing and feeling a pop at the hospital the day I came home. The bottomline is that it was bound to break sooner or later. It was so very weak. Thankfully I already had the rod put in so now it just needs to heal. Praise the Lord for good docs, pain meds and ice! They also gave me a Tens Unit and a cold therapy unit to help.
3/13 Over the next few days the nerve block in my leg started to wear off and the pain increased as expected.
3/11 Surgery at Vidant. I had such a great experience with check-in and all of the nurses and docs prepping me. When my surgeon came in to go over everything, he prayed over me and over his hands in my surgery. Nothing could have brought me more peace. He is truly an amazing doc and man of God and blessed to get to be his patient. Surgery went well! Recovered in the hospital for one night and was sent home the next day. In laws kept the kids and Kevin put on a comedian in our room so I could rest and laugh. Love him so much.
3/4 Pre-op appointment for surgery.
2/28 Appointment with Orthopedic surgeon for x-rays and evaluation. In a nutshell, my femur is extremely weak and is in danger of breaking. Will need surgery ASAP and will need a walker starting TODAY. Wow! So very thankful for his wisdom & kindness.
2/22 Appointment with Dr. White & Xgeva injection. The bottomline is that I will need to see an orthopedic surgeon. I'll most likely need a rod placed in my femur but doc has seen really great results with this in terms of pain relief. Thankful that I know a GREAT orthopedic surgeon in town. :) She said to be super careful until I see him.
2/15 Call from oncologist to give me a general idea of MRI results.
2/14 Hip and pelvic MRI
2/9 Appointment with oncologist to check on on meds. We are both so thankful I'm not so nauseous all the time. Because of the pain, she will send me for a hip/pelvic MRI to get a closer look.
2/7 So far meds have been mostly tolerable. I'm extremely tired but not sick. It's so very hard to wake up in the morning - but I'm not sick, so.... Also developed some sort of rash. I don't believe it's related. My skin is so sensitive and I think I'm allergic to something but can't figure out what. Still have lots of pain in my hips/leg but thankfully I'm learning how to not trigger my back. It's just hard to not do the things that trigger it (being on my feet for more than 20 minutes, bending over repeatedly (like to unload the dishwasher, etc.). But I'm not sick, so....
1.28 Head CT scan. All clear. Praise!
1.26 Appointment with Neurosurgeon to follow-up on spine issues. I asked about headaches and while I believe they are sinus related, I will have a head CT later this week. Better to be safe though.
1.21 FINALLY able to obtain my medicine and get started. But the process has really been ridiculous. Apparently, the pharmacy has been contacting BCBS daily and daily getting denied. I believe that over the tale BCBS gave me about approving it the same day it was submitted on the 4th of January. I'm super thankful for insurance, but dealing with them and all the red tape is like a full time job.
1.15 The drama with the insurance company continues. For some reason they have yet to approve the oral chemo medication.
1.5 Physical Therapy
1.4 Oncology appointment to finalize plan for next steps. Made the decision to switch to oral chemotherapy (pills taken 2x a day instead of infusions). I can't continue with IV chemo because of the neuropathy side effects (they can end up being permanent, etc.).

2021 (Second Breast Cancer Diagnosis)

12.23 ENT appointment
12.20 Endoscopy & Review of PET and potential plan with Duke oncologist
12.15 Dermatology appointment because of chemo toxicity causing skin issues. Yuck.
11.30 Reviewed PET with oncologist
11.23 PET Scan
11.18 Chemo #16
11.16 It has been 4 years today since my original cancer diagnosis. It seems really funny to me that it's only been 4 years, it feels more like 10. And as it turns out, today was the day to say goodbye to what was left of my hair. It was time. It was horribly bald in certain (large) spots and what was left was brittle and dry. It started to hurt when coming out - so that was my cue. Once again, the amazing Lisa D. did it for me, My little one couldn't help his response when he saw me bald for the first time (he doesn't remember the last time). He blurted out "Mom, you look horrible!!" Ha!! I love his honesty! I responded: "But I still have a beautiful face, right?" and he said "Yes, mom. You do." I just love my boy.
11.14 This weekend I started to notice neuropathy in my right hand and right foot - an on and off tingling/numb sensation. Also noticed that a bit of pain seems to be developing in my left hand. I'm hoping this is just a coincidence and not increased neuropathy on that side.
11.9 Thinking today about this journal I post here. It seems so monotonous. The past few months have been a repeat of the typically the same routine. Chemo day followed by steroid day, then 2-3 days in bed. This past weekend on Saturday the first time I actually woke up and got out of bed was at 5pm. The exhaustion feels like I'm under an enormous rock. There's no point in even trying to lift it, so I just go back to sleep. Even though hubbs and the kids do a good job of checking on me, it gets pretty dark laying in that bed. But if I do get up, I'm so nauseous that it's pointless. When that begins to lift, I start to feel better. But the rest has relieved a lot of the bone pain so when I get up and moving, it returns. BUT the BETTER DAYS are so much better. More on this another time...
11.8 Trip to Duke today to see my oncologist there as well as a PA in neurosurgery about my spine issues. Very informative meetings, but a very long day! The plan from both teams of docs (locally & at Duke) is to have a PET scan in the next couple of weeks to determine how the bones are doing and determine what comes next. It looks like I will need to sat on chemo, but perhaps at a lowered dose. The PET should also help to identify the source of the pain. Clearly, there is a "hole" left from one of the worse spots in the spine that the cancer did a number on - but hopefully this will give us a closer look at it as well as the other areas of concern.
11.5 Normally the day after chemo I feel pretty good - the steroids are full force and have me wired. But not today...feeling kinda crappy actually.
11.4 After a much needed chemo break, back at it again today. Barf. But at least I had a productive meeting with my oncologist. Nausea seems to be improving, but pain increasing. Sacrum/femur area acting up again. Weird.
10.25 Spine MRI, PT and counseling today. Shewwww.
10.19 Liver MRI
10.15 Back to chemo...
10.9 Get this...all of a sudden I realized that I couldn't read the label on a medicine bottle - or anything for that matter. Vision super blurry. Long story short: a side effect of the scopolamine patch is...dilation of the pupils! It felt exactly like when you have your eyes dilated at the eye doctors. Welp, so much for that remedy!
10.7 Chemo break today! Praise!
10.6 Consultation with GI doc today. Need to have a liver MRI and endoscopy. But had a much better weekend nausea-wise. I think the patch might be working. Yay! Dizziness and exhaustion, but minimal nausea. Super thankful that my in-laws have come to stay with us on my worst days these last two weeks and have cooked, cleaned and driven the kids to school, etc. Such a blessing! Knowing my kids are in good hands gives me such peace and the ability to rest. Thank you Gaga and Papa!
10.2 Met with my oncologist last week and she reiterated that the results in my body are "miraculous". Praise! That was good to hear again. But that being said, she wants to continue chemo through December when I can have another PET scan. She’s hopeful for no evidence of cancer on that scan. At that point we will decide what is next - continue chemo or try a chemo pill, or see if there are any new clinical trials at that time. Still working with Duke docs as well. Really not looking forward to more chemo but at least it will be staggered a bit: one week off, three weeks on then repeat. In the meantime she wants to get my awful nausea under control. She is sending me for an endoscopy to check for ulcers. And we are going to try anti-nausea patches. Upping pain meds but hopeful that the pain is from scar tissue/healing where the bad spots in bones were. Long road ahead but I’m excited that this looks good. Praise God!! Really great improvement.
9.28 The rest of September has followed the same pattern: chemo followed by a day of energy (from steroids) and then the slippery slide into feeling horrible. Two-three days of nausea and exhaustion and bone pain and then slowly coming back to life, in time to do it all over again. I don't know if this is true or not, but it seems that as the weeks pass, my body struggles more and more. The nausea is worse and the pain comes (and goes sometimes, thankfully). The hard part about the sick days are that my psyche suffers, too. As hard as I try, it's just difficult to not experience sadness and this feeling of being alone - even though I'm anything but alone. It's just that it's easier to try to sleep off the nausea, so I end up being secluded and rarely pick up my phone at all on these days. So thankful for Kevin and the kids and the MANY, many people who take care of us with food and prayers and help with the kids. These precious people help carry the load in miraculous ways. Thank you. I still have hope, but it's hard to pay attention to the positive when my body feels so gross. Hope no longer shows up in a cute, sparkly font - it's rough around the edges - prickly even. Not something I want to grab onto, but I do because Jesus. He calls me to Hope, so I do. And the sun goes down and comes back up and it's a new day full of new mercies and beautiful things that the thorns don't have a chance of choking out.

9.20 First physical therapy appointment. This was so motivating! It felt so good to be moving again. My fear has been messing something in my back up, so being taught safe stretches and strengthening moves felt great.
9.13 Appointment with Duke oncologist.
9.8 PET scan. FABULOUS results!! No active cancer showing up in the nodes and bones are significantly better! PRAISE! Awesome progress. However, when I went to get the results, I was a mess. Rough week again with pain and nausea (even with a break from chemo - yuck.)
8.30 Family vacation to Ocracoke thanks to some very generous friends. Best time together!
8.27 This week was rough. I am so very worn out and my back is killing me. My blood cell counts have been low so they told me to plan on possibly not getting chemo this week. Turns out they were low but safe enough for a treatment, but I just can't. My body is done. Hesitant because I've got a scheduled break next week for our family trip, but they say it's ok and I am so relieved. My body is so done.
8.26 Appointment with Neurosurgeon about spine issues and possible treatments. This doc was truly incredible. I left with a plan to give PT a try through Yoga and Aqua Therapy.
8.13 Chemo # 7 and Xgeva shot for bones
8.11 Finished the 15th radiation treatment today. Having pain on the left side now, so will have a dose to that area as well.
8.3 Feeling a little better today, but still needing Zofran. So nauseous. Found out that the Tempus testing results came back all negative. Not even sure what that means at this moment. Guess I don't have a genetic mutation that currently has a targeted treatment available. Something else to research. Basically there are no immunotherapy options currently available for me.
8.2 Radiation # 10 & 11 (started spine treatment today). Still feeling really rough. Fell asleep multiple times on the radiation table and just wanted to stay there and sleep. Not trying to complain, but being honest.
8.1 Wow, I feel horrible. Chemo really catching up to me and I'm sure radiation isn't helping. I'm SO exhausted and SO nauseous. Zofran helping but can't stay awake.
7.30 Radiation # 9
7.29 Radiation # 8
7.28 Radiation # 7 & Rad Onc called to let me know that my x-rays were clear. Just a bone spur on my foot. Praise!
7.27 Radiation # 6, X-rays of knee and foot (to rule out possibility of fracture from cancer in those places) & FINALLY got my stitches out from where my new port was placed.
7.26 Radiation # 5 & CT scan to plan for spine radiation
7.23 Our 16th Wedding Anniversary! Chemo # 4 and Radiation #4
7.22 Radiation # 3
7.21 Radiation # 2
7.20 Radiation # 1
7.16 Chemo # 3. Stitches too irritated to use port, but no issues using arm today. Praise!
7.9 Initial Radiation appointment and CT scan for planning. Again, it was somewhat surreal to be back in the same exact place I was three years ago with the same exact nurses, etc. Decision was made to focus treatment on three areas. We will start with lower back and femur, treating each one every other day. Once complete, we will begin spine treatment. Radiation should help with the pain.
7.8 Chemo # 2
7.7 Port placement today. Very different experience than with my first port. That one was placed by a surgeon while completely under. This time, by a radiologist under "conscious sedation". While it wasn't horrible, I can't say I'm not a fan. I'd rather not be able to talk with the doc while he's actively fishing around under my skin. Ha. Also, this time I've got stitches. Last time it was glue.
7.2 Oncology Appointment & first Chemo. It hit me a little bit more today. Being back in the chemo bay was a little jarring. I don't have a port yet (last one was removed during my last surgery) and wow, hoping that appointment will happen soon. Blown veins are no fun. My nurse was great and tried to find a good one, but I'm limited to my right arm because I had a few too many lymph nodes removed on my left side last time around. Sitting there while he looked for a vein brought the tears. The realization that yes, this was really happening again coupled with the fact that Kevin was not with me (thanks to Covid restrictions) was a lot. He was with me every week of this last time around and that has made all the difference.
6.28 Duke appointment with Oncology.
6.24 Brain MRI is CLEAR!! Praise!
6.23 Brain MRI. My prayer through all this is for a clean brain scan, always.
6.22 Oncologist appointment
6.21 ENT Appointment to plan for excisional biopsy of the lymph node. Sadly, the ENT had no clue why I was there. Something clearly got lost between offices. Still managed to bill $250 for the appointment though.
6.17 PET Scan. My FIRST PET scan ever. How is that even possible?
6.7 Admitted to the hospital (out-patient) for the lymph node biopsy.
6.2 CT scan of chest and appointment with my oncologist.
5.20 After a few weeks of watching and waiting, I saw my PCP who sent me for an ultrasound that afternoon. She wanted it biopsied, so back to oncology we went.
5.5 While picking out ice cream for my kids and casually scratching my neck, I found a hard lump just behind my collarbone. I knew what it was.

Medical Journal from 2017 - 2020 (First Breast Cancer Diagnosis)

11.1 Found the lump in my armpit. Felt about the size of a gum ball or large marble.
11.2 After Mom's pestering, I called Primary Care Doc (PCP)
11.3 Saw PCP and she spotted a mass in my left breast in addition to enlarged lymph nodes. I was sent for a mammogram and breast ultrasound that afternoon.
11.10 Two Core Needle / Ultrasound Guided biopsies (of mass and one axillary lymph node). Tiny “clips” placed as markers. Followed by another mammogram.
11.16 Breast cancer diagnosis: Invasive Duct Carcinoma (IDC). Metastatic poorly differentiated duct carcinoma of breast involving lymph nodes.
11.21 First appointment with Surgeon (accompanied by the amazing Laura K. – who can even make a surgery appointment a humorous experience). It seemed strange that I met the surgeon first, but that's the sequence of events because they want to get the port placed before chemo starts.
11.24 First appointment with Oncologist: Results from testing: My cancer is Estrogen Receptor Positive (ER+) and HER2- (good news!) Plan for Treatment (Tx): 16 chemo treatments, surgery followed by radiation. Had Bilateral Breast MRI (my first MRI which was not bad at all because I was face down and couldn’t see the enclosed space. The noise did bother me...quite a bit. Results came the following week: Main mass noted. 8 lymph nodes involved. Several other “suspicious” masses noted.
11.27 Surgeon Appointment #2: Discussed Port Placement
11.29 Outpatient Surgery: Infusaport placed (see the photo gallery for a picture of the little beast) & CT Scan late that afternoon. We met two more of our Angels at the scan - Leslie & Dorsen.

12.1 Bone Scan (my least favorite of the tests. Felt like I was in a copy machine, but it wasn’t over my head for terribly long).
12.4 Chemo Teaching Class, Oncology appointment, Blood work / Labs, Chemo Round #1 which included Neulasta at the end. A patch-like thing that pokes you with medicine. To boost white blood cell count. You leave it on for 27 hours. I do not like this little beast, but it’s essential. {That evening at dinner, things went downhill fast. Kevin said my face lost its color. Spent the next 5 days in bed. Except for when Laura K. had to drag me out of bed to take me to yet another biopsy... {Started taking the following: Prilosec (to regulate stomach acid, will take daily throughout chemo), Claritin (bone pain, etc. after Neulasta), Zofran and Compazine (nausea).}
12.6 Biopsy and Ultrasound of second “suspicious” mass. Side effects of chemo at this point are extreme nausea, dizziness, bone pain, headaches and constipation.
12.8 Brain MRI
12.10 First day I felt “normal” after chemo. Praise!
12.11 Oncology appointment: Brain MRI all clear. Praise! Surgeon Appointment #3: Biopsy of new masses benign. Praise! Labs looked great...Disney is a go!
12.12 Left for Disney World for PDT (Pixie Dust Therapy). Praise! Praise!
12.17 During our last day at WDW, I noticed that my hair was falling out slightly more than usual. This progressed quickly.
12.19 Oncology appointment, Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #2 Breast exam: Mass is shrinking! Praise! This time they extended the delivery time of the Cytoxan and gave me an IV of Phenergan at the end. These two factors helped enormously. I didn’t get bed-sick until Thursday. Nose sores are particularly bad. Saline spray helps. Found Vaseline to be extremely soothing. During the "red devil" chemo drug you hold ice in your mouth to prevent mouth sores. I want to stick ice up my nose.
12.22 Results of BRCA Genetic Testing. Negative! Praise! No evidence of BRCA mutation to suggest an inherited risk of breast or ovarian cancer. Great news for my daughter :) Side effects of chemo still the same: nausea, dizziness, bone pain, headaches and constipation.
12.23 Head shaving Day with one of my fave people, Lauren T. She held my hand and Lisa D. rocked the razor :)
12.25 Started feeling semi-normal. Up and about but not drinking coffee yet. Great, laid back Christmas at home with my in-laws. Really bad headaches and inability to sleep through the night starts.
12.26 My buzz cut is patchy but still hanging on.
12.29 Sinus Infection. Z-pack.
12.31 Best New Year's Eve date with hubbs :)

2018

1.1 Almost bald. A few patches left.
1.2 Oncology appointment, Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #3 (with Neulasta, of course). Accompanied by my Dad. We had an awesome breakfast date and I ate a Philly cheese steak after treatment (oops! But it’s what I really wanted. Thanks so much, Dad for letting me sneak it. Secret’s out.)
1.9 Finally feeling human again. Date day with my Mama!
1.10 Cyst-like thing showed up on my eyeball. Saw eye doctor and seems it's a side effect of chemo. Yay. Options: drain it with a needle or try steroids. Steroids, please! They said it would probably come back anyway even if it was drained. May have to have it cut out later, but I'm counting on it healing ;) No sharp objects near my eyes, thanks. Update: Mid-February the cyst is GONE! Praise!
1.11 All but a little blonde peach fuzz remains on my head. Getting closer to Mr. Clean.
1.16 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #4 accompanied by the whole Mendola/Branco crew! Felt better the next few days thanks to the oral steroids. Still nauseous, uncomfortable and tired, but with a ferocious appetite.
1.19 My daughter tested positive for Flu, so they put me on Tamiflu preventatively. They said it might make me nauseous. Wow, that would be a change! ;)
1.22 Feeling like myself again. PRAISE!! Good weeks are the best weeks! So thankful for these precious breaks from feeling like a zombie.
1.30 Oncology appointment, Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #5. Finally made it to a less intense chemo drug! Taxol. They gave me IV pre-meds, as usual but this time added Benadryl to the mix - to help prevent a reaction to the Taxol. Made me super sleepy. After being picked up by my dear friend, Kelsey (and her bag of treats!), I took a nap at home. SUPER hungry (from steroids) and once the Benadryl wore off, I couldn't sleep at all. Up till 3am. Steroids, again.
1.31 Really good day! Tired but good. No nausea. Praise!
2.6 Oncology appointment, Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #6. Really long nap after chemo & lunch with Steph H. :) Left for Chapel Hill because my toddler was puking and we thought it was the stomach bug. Eeek!
2.7 Day at Duke Cancer Center with Melissa. Such a beautiful place. So much information! Exhaustion and leg pain on left side a few days after Taxol. But for the most part, feeling so much better.
2.13 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #7. During this treatment (towards the end) I started feeling really weird. Hands started tingling and just didn't feel right.
2.14 Neuropathy is starting. Pinky is tingly/numb. CIPN = Chemotherapy Induced Peripheral Neuropathy can include pain, burning, tingling, etc. More on the symptoms here.
2.15 Exhausted! I could sleep forever. Ring finger slightly numb/tingly.
2.20 Blood work/Labs, Oncologist appointment & Chemo Round #8. Taxol infusion was slowed this time to maybe help with neuropathy. Suggested that I use BenGay twice a day for 15 minutes on my hands and feet, preventatively.
2.21 Left foot feels a little numb? Maybe?
2.22 Headaches are back. Face pain and LOTS of teeth pain. I feel like my teeth are falling apart.
2.26 Got to go to the Chemo Bay for my cancer buddy's LAST treatment. I met her on my first day of chemo and she was about 8 weeks ahead of me. She got to ring the bell! So excited for her and thankful to have met her. We also met two others who are just starting out. It is SO helpful to stick together during this wild ride. If you are on this path, find someone ahead of you and behind you - walk the path together.
2.27 Oncology appointment, Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #9 with MY SISTER. Praise! SO thankful that she was with me. Over half way now. Taxol still being slowed during infusion. Cutting back on IV steroids because they may be contributing to my headaches/face pain. Pinky still numb but on and off (praise!).
3.6 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #10 in the NEW Cancer Wing. They still don't offer pedicures or margaritas, but the chairs are way more comfortable. Bronchitis this week (more antibiotics). And lots of teeth pain. Went to the dentist thinking maybe I had cavities developing - but nope, just a chemo side effect. Note to others prior to starting chemo, get a good teeth cleaning, etc. Other strange things this week: nose is bleeding a lot. Hair is coming back! Peach fuzz, but still...it's at least starting to grow a little (I need to remember to moisturize my scalp. It's crazy dry). And numbness is still just in my pinky and it's not all the time. Huge blessing!
3.13 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #11 So thankful for the chemo nurse team. A group of amazing women & men that I get to see each week who go out of their way to make us comfortable. #WarmBlankets :) Something strange this time around was that after chemo my body felt really heavy - like I was carrying a ton of bricks. Weird.
3.16 Ended back at the docs because chest pain came back, worse. To be safe they did x-rays and a CT scan (just be sure no blood clots in the lungs). All good, just a nasty infection. New, stronger antibiotics. Oh and still lots of nose bleeding - but they said that's bc I have no nose hairs.
3.17 Feeling so much better - but teeth pain is still NO JOKE.
3.20 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #12 So much faster this time. (We usually wait for 2 hours give or take to even get into the chemo chair and always have to wait for blood work results before starting chemo, so that takes time). Really tired today, again. They say the fatigue may be bc of the cumulative nature of chemo and I'm getting towards the end (wooo hooo). I'll take that. :)
3.23 So exhausted and teeth pain is outta control :( Incredibly thankful for the friends that entertained my kids this week so I could sleep. It's like no matter how long I sleep for, it never feels like enough. And the meals are still coming. SUCH a blessing.
3.26 One of my oldest friends, Ry came to visit and to bring hope to my kitchen and food situation. She cooked nutritious meals and snacks and helped me rid my cooking space of so much crud (crappy food and otherwise) and brought a juicer! Kicking cancer's tail one carrot at a time!
3.27 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #13
3.28 My hair is really growing now. I look like a blonde chia pet. Ch-ch-ch-chia!
4.2 Finally returned to the gym for yoga! So thankful to have the energy and ability to stretch this body of mine.
4.3 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #14 & Oncology Appointment. Good news! My last CT scan (of my chest) looked GREAT! It's working!! Tried to get out of surgery and radiation, but nope :)
4.8 No teeth pain this last week. Huge praise! Thanks to all of you that have been specifically praying for that. Some numbness in my feet (mostly toes) - nothing major though. Did end up with strep and back on antibiotics. Both kids had it over spring break and kindly passed it along to me :( And last but not least, still incredibly tired. It's a weird kind of heavy exhaustion. But all in all, I'm ok! Only TWO chemo treatments left! I can hardly believe it!
4.10 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #15 Exhausted this week. Throat hurts and feet / toe numbness is in and out. Nose bleeding a lot. But overall doing ok! One more time. We got this!
4.14 Feet VERY numb & tingly. Especially toes on my left foot. And the hot flashes continue = chemo induced early menopause. Now I know what my mom was complaining about all those years ago when she was going through what they called "the change" ;)
4.17 Blood work/Labs & Chemo Round #16, MY LAST CHEMO TREATMENT! This day seemed like it would never come. But I finally got to ring that bell! Praise Jesus!! It was such a bittersweet day. While I'm SO glad to be done with the treatments, I'm going to miss the Oncology Team that I spent quite a bit of time with over these past 5 months - the receptionists, needle nurses, greeters, oncology nurse, and the infusion nurse team. They made the treatments bearable. And all the patients I got to meet and see each week. And the QT with hubbs each week. Precious Tuesdays. I actually wasn't sure if they would give me my last treatment today because of lots of numbness in my feet (especially big toes). But thankfully I was able to do it and finish this leg of the journey.
4.19 Sinus infection. More antibiotics (Augmentin). Feet are really numb. Using BenGay every night. Looking forward to these effects waning! Ready for a month off!
4.24 My first Tuesday without chemo! Thrilled for that, but my numbness and tingling is changing to pain. Weird. Lots of pain in my feet and calves at night.
4.28 Glorious beach weekend getaway with Shawna and SO many fun treats from my Roadrunner fam. They are amazing and have no idea how much their love means to this girl.
4.30 Sore throat is back. Feels like a lump in my throat - like someone punched me in the neck. Ick. Probably nothing but sending me to an ENT to check it out.
5.3 Dermatology appointment. Apparently chemo can mess with moles, so they are removing them. The needles were surprisingly painful. PSA: wear sunscreen! I love the sun, but the sun does not love me. Time to up my sunscreen usage. And he told me about a different kind that might not drive me nuts (I hate the greasy mess of sunscreen and what it does to my skin). Will share the name when I can find the post-it note (ha!).
5.4 Surprised at how exhausted I am. Might be from the new meds for leg pain - or maybe it's just my body telling me to stop acting like it's all healed up now bc it's not. Trying to remind myself to give it the time and space it needs to rest and restore all the damage that's been done. It's funny how I now refer to my body as a separate entity, but the truth is - it certainly feels that way.
5.10 I have the best friends EVER. Tonight they threw me a surprise chemo is over party! It was such a fun night of friends and art - my favorites! Thank you Amanda!!
5.12 Feeling better, but when I overdo it, it's not good (for anyone involved, lol). Lots of heat flashes, still. But no more neuropathy or leg pain. Praise!
5.14 ENT appointment (because of the ongoing sore throats and feeling of a lump in my throat - but most of that has subsided, thankfully!). This appointment was so interesting! The speech pathologist was great! She used a metal rod with a camera on the end to look around in my throat and I was able to watch the whole thing. Kept gagging though so they sprayed my throat to make it numb. Good news is that there isn't anything scary in there. Just a lot of irritation from stomach acid from chemo. #prilosec. This is one of the reasons you have to take it daily throughout treatment.
5.20 Hair update: I have hair! I don't necessarily look like a cancer patient anymore - just a girl with a rockin' do. :) Not one that I would have ever chosen for myself, but it's hair - not gonna complain.
5.21 I feel like I can say that I feel mostly normal now. The two week countdown to surgery begins (June 5th). There's a long list of things you can't take over the next two weeks. One is turmeric! Weird.
6.4 Headed to Duke for pre-op appointments. Very thorough! Met with a nurse, a pharmacy specialist (to review all medications) and an anesthesiologist PA to go over all things anesthesia! He was great and provided so much information.
6.5 Arrived at Duke at 7:30am for 9:00 surgery. Had IV placed, met with anesthesia team and filled out paperwork. Before I knew it I was drugged up and rolled back to the OR. All I remember is that there was a LOT of stuff in the OR and I kept commenting on it. Surgery was about 2 and a half hours. When I woke up I was crying and wanting to go home - however, I have no recollection of that. Ha!
6.6 So far all we know is that it looked pretty good - the mass was gone and only a couple lymph nodes were swollen. Praise! The surgeon will discuss how many were taken, etc. at my post-op appointment next week. Today, I'm super sore and really tired. The part that hurts are related to the drains - under my armpit and where the tubes are stitched into my skin. Yuck!
6.10 Doing a lot of resting these past few days. The drains have me feeling trapped. Still super sore. It feels like I have a softball wedged under my armpit and there is no feeling around it (back of arm is numb). Really praying that this feeling comes back, quickly! My drains aren't putting out much now so I'm hoping they will be taken out this week.
6.11 When not on pain meds, this sucks. Just sayin'. Thankfully Ry came to the rescue. She cooked, she watched my kids and she made me stay in bed (after introducing me to binge-watching Netflix). And as usual we reminisced about middle school and laughed till we cried.
6.13 Post-op appointment at Duke. The results were great! All cancer removed. Most dead. A bit on lymph node still had cancer. But only 1/12 removed were cancerous. Praise! Doc wants to keep the drains in one more week. The one to the breast wound is actually putting out more than the armpit one and we want to see it put out less before removal. So bummed. They did remove the million stitches though. I have to say that I LOVE my surgery team at Duke. Phenomenal. So glad I opted for this route. Advice: Know your options. Get second opinions. You only get one body.
6.16 This recovery is a lot harder than I thought it would be. My wing still feels broken. Hubbs keeps reminding me that I am not broken. This too shall pass. But not being able to lift and/or snuggle my toddler is hard. He is fascinated with the tubes - ugh! Nerve meds are helping with the numbness and I'm starting to get more feeling in my arm area. The imaginary lump I feel like I'm carrying in my armpit has decreased in size - it now feels like the size of a lemon.
6.20 Back to Duke. DRAINS TAKEN OUT!!! PRAISE! It hurt for a second, but mostly felt weird. In the scheme of things it was nbd. Starting to feel free again! Still need to be careful - no lifting, etc. My arm's range of motion is not where doc would like to see it. Itsy bitsy spider up the wall 10x, 10x a day. Fun. Can't wait for PT. I want this arm to work right again. :)
6.22 Today marks 48 hours since drains came out, FINALLY able to shower again. It had been 18 days! YUCK! Thankful for sponge baths, though. But nothing like a hot shower! Praise! (and I'm sure my family is praising, too :)
6.23 Was able to move from button down shirts to normal t-shirts - one arm at a time, but doable.
6.29 First PT appointment. Wow. This is a game changer. My physical therapist is incredible. She is not easy on me in terms of the massage - but it's changing things! It's kind of like a deep tissue massage to break up the cording (Axillary Web Syndrome). She's given me exercises to do daily on our marathon trip up north and I'm committing to them. My wing is not going to stay broken. She also gave me two compression sleeves (that she had fitted me for before surgery) to keep on my arm as prevention for lymphedema and protection for my arm to prevent bites, infection, etc.
7.1-7.22 Took a hiatus from everything to spend time with family in NY, NJ and an awesome weeklong vacay in Canada with hubbs (work for him, vacay for me ;) Made sure to do my PT exercises EVERY SINGLE DAY. Noticed my arm getting looser and looser. I never thought this would work as well as it has.
7.23 PT Session 2. Still as amazed as the first time - such good, knowledgable people and a welcoming environment. I think my physical therapist was impressed with my progress! My range of motion is SO MUCH BETTER! The daily exercising paid off.
7.30 PT Session 3 - more massage, more laser and more stretches. Good stuff. Also, no longer needing the nerve meds. There is a slight weirdness under my arm but it doesn't feel like a football anymore.
8.1 Had my first appointment with the Radiation Oncologist (opted to wait a little longer to see the doc I wanted). Such an informative appointment. It was helpful to hear all the why's of radiation - with statistical info to back them up. So impressed and thankful for yet another great cancer doc on my team. She did a lot of "drawing" on my body and marked about 8 spots with a Sharpie and covered the spots with clear stickers. These are supposed to stay on until radiation starts. Also did scans at this appointment.
8.3 PT Session 4: Today we worked on my next set of exercises. My goal is to get my arms and core stronger before next surgeries. This will be our last appointment until needed again (sniff, sniff).
8.14 Random hair note: it's growing like crazy! But not in a cool way. I went from having a sleek 'do to becoming a golden girl in just a few weeks. Yay for hair, but sheesh this transition is going to be interesting. Check out my little hair photo gallery ;)
8.21 Dermatology Appointment: More moles need to be removed. Recap: many of my moles changed colors during chemo so doc recommended they all be removed. Three today. Two required stitches. I think my new nickname should be "Stitches",
8.22 Got the call today that radiation will start Friday 8/24 with a "dry run". It took a long time to get the "plan" drawn up and issues needed to be discussed with the radiologist to determine which areas needed to be in target zone. So thankful that my Radiation Oncologist pays attention to all these details.
8.24 As I was just about to leave for my appointment, my oldest threw up everywhere! They changed my "dry run" appointment till Monday.
8.27 Radiation appointment #1: Dry Run. Today we made another mold of me (the last one got messed up). I'll lay in this mold every day to keep me in the right spot. Lots of practicing my breath hold (known as the "Deep inspiration breath hold (DIBH) is a radiation therapy technique where patients take a deep breath during treatment, and hold this breath while the radiation is delivered. By taking a deep breath in, your lungs fill with air and your heart will move away from your chest. DIBH can be useful in situations where radiation therapy is necessary in the chest region, and it is desired to avoid radiation dose to the heart (from www.petermac.org)". Radiation therapists were friendly and kind. Thankful for that, as I'll be seeing a lot of them over the next six weeks.
8.28 Getting ready for treatment #1 tonight. Picked up my Rx of Radiaplex Gel to apply after every treatment - of course insurance doesn't cover it, because ya know - radiation is like a tanning bed visit, not a life-saving therapy. Ha! ...So, after I went and got into position, practiced breathing, etc. they took me down and said I needed another CT scan because things weren't aligning properly.
8.30 CT Scan and mold re-done. Waiting to hear back...
9.5 Got the call that the new plan is finally ready. Dry run this Friday and treatment will start Monday. If the first plan worked we'd be almost done by now. Bummer.
9.8 The 30 minute appointment turned into nearly 3 hours! I could not get the breath hold right. It was the weirdest thing because I was always able to reach the threshold before, even if it did take me a few tries. But today was different - I felt like I couldn't physically make my lungs do what they were supposed to do. It was like trying to wiggle my ears. I just can't, no matter how hard I try. After trying many times, feeling like I was going to pass out and taking breaks, even having a snack (thanks to my awesome radiation oncologist), still no deal. Finally, they contacted someone in physics and were able to make some adjustments to the plan. Moving the sensor box allowed me to do an adequate breath hold. I would deny radiation treatment if I wasn't able to have the DIBH technique utilized. I just can't put my heart in the position for possible damage. But thankfully, they fixed it and we will start treatment Monday.
9.10 Treatment # 1 a success! Waited FOREVER, but finally got it done. Was able to breathe properly. Nothing really to report - as you don't feel anything from the machine. Feels no different than the test runs. I'll see the doc every Monday and I didn't realize this before - so this made my appointment extra long. But Dr. B is amazing! Such a caring, consistent and detailed doc. Thankful she's in charge of my radiation.
9.11 Treatment # 2. Some issues with breathing but got it done!
9.12 Treatment # 3. Done.
9.13 Was able to get Treatment #4 in, just before they closed down before Hurricane Florence. Very windy here, but that's all so far.
9.14 No treatment today, hospital closed. We are doing well here. The storm went well south of us and thankfully, we still have power!
9.21 Made it through the storm without a problem but so many of our NC friends were not so fortunate. If you are reading this, please take a second to remember them in prayer. Tough times for lots of people :( As far as treatment goes, I had Treatment #9 today. It's been going a lot quicker - the whole process of getting from my car to the table and back is going much smoother (except on days when there are lots of people or issues with the machine). I think I'm noticing a little bit of pink skin below my scar - but nothing major at all. Praise! 24 left!
9.25 Treatment #11. I'm starting to get pink. And tired. :( 22 left... Bright spot though a sweet surprise friend in the lobby. She made my day and also showed me the rest of the Cancer Center - which is really impressive. Thankful for great medical care and ever greater friends.
10.19 Treatment #28. It's been awhile since I've updated. SO VERY TIRED. Skin is like leather. Itches like crazy. More later.
10.22 Treatment #29. Unfortunately a few of my stickers were ripped off today and they took the skin with them. PAIN! They are supposed to be "rolled" off. Thankfully my sis is in town. Just the pick-me-up I needed. I am SO tired.
10.26 Treatment #33 - my LAST RADIATION treatment! Praise!!! Finally done! Extremely tired and very red, BUT the good news is my BFFs from high school fly in today. Yay!
11.4 Rough weekend. Who knew that my skin would get worse before it gets better?! It hardly hurt throughout treatment (except for the sticker part) but now - sheesh! blisters that crust over and peel. It hurts to lay on that side.
11.5 It's been a year and two days since I found the lumps. You would think that now that the third big part of treatment is over, life would resume as it did before but the truth is that the next stage is just beginning. Lots of decisions to make about next surgeries and meds to shut down my body's estrogen factory. Reminding myself to CHOOSE JOY and to keep my eyes fixed on Him.
11.6 Feeling SO much better today. Skin is healing! Yay!
11.14 Duke visit today to see surgeon and oncologist. Very helpful. And as always, impressed with Duke. Deciding on next steps. I think I am officially cancer-free! PRAISE!! (I have not had another scan, but based on everything else we know, there is no evidence of disease.) While I am beyond THRILLED, I wish I could say "Yay! I'm done!"...but I'm not. Now begins the tricky part of keeping it from returning which will require MORE treatment. It was surprising to hear that the next phase (hormone therapy/estrogen blocking) is as important as chemo.
11.16 It has been a year since my cancer diagnosis. A crazy hard, yet beautiful year of trusting in God's goodness and faithfulness which was so incredibly evident through the love, support and encouragement of my wonderful husband, parents, sister and the MANY, many family and friends who surrounded us. Year 1 down.

Thanks for checking in. I took a little break (2 months - eek!). It's now January 2019. Back in November, I kind of just wanted to be done, done. But the reality is that I started this site to share what this journey is like - all of it. So I am catching up now and will post what the last 2 months have held and do my best to keep it going.

11.20 It has been a nice break from daily trips to the hospital for radiation but headed back for a follow up appointment with my Radiation Oncologist today. Skin is healing really well. Will continue to use Rx cream and Duke aloe butter to help with healing. Will see her back in six months.
11.21 Still at the docs often – ha! Today was an ultrasound of my ovaries – just precautionary and will help with data on decision for whether or not to have a hysterectomy. Couldn’t meet with the doc to discuss the results because she got stuck in surgery.
11.26 Appointment with Oncologist to decide on next steps, oh and a port flush (still have that bad boy in my chest). Bottom line is that we decided to start the Lupron shots in November. We will see how I react. Possibly try them for a year (monthly) and see how I do. I can always decide to have a hysterectomy. Will start daily pills as well, but not until after my cycle stops. Having further genetic testing done to determine my predisposition to ovarian cancer.
11.30 Gynecology appointment for results of ultrasound. She found a cyst that she wants to keep an eye on. Nothing out of the ordinary, but something to monitor based on my history. Will have an ultrasound every three months.
12.10 Lupron shot #1. Back to the good ol’ chemo bay. Sad to see so many sick people there. Cancer sucks. On the bright side, it was nice to see my old nurses and the humor of a particular one who administered my shot :) I thought it was in my arm. Wrong. Tail. Ugh. But overall, not bad.
12.25 Very thankful to NOT be chemo sick this Christmas and to have my family here. It was like a missions trip for them, lol. They took down all the wallpaper and spackled and spackled and spackled and painted!! SO thankful for my parents, sis and nephew (who cooked a Christmas feast!).

2019

1.7 Oncology appointment, blood work and shot #2. This time we tried the triple dose (to last for 3 months). I didn't want to see what that needle looked like! It's funny because I've always been such a wimp about needles - even now after having a body part removed. LOL! The needle thing - it's all in my head. It never hurts like I think it will. I will say though, that with this one, the medicine going in did not feel so good.
1.8 My hip is REALLY sore.
1.9 Hip sore and that whole side of my back sore. Started daily pills today (aromatase inhibitor / hormone based chemo in a pill form).
1.10 Ribs on that side sore now, too.
1.14 Soreness dissipating but feeling really achy, especially in the middle of the night. Also, crampy during the day.
1.22 So thankful that the soreness is gone. I experience a bit of crampyness and joint pain here and there, but overall, I'm good. :)
2.19 It's been a bit since I've posted. I have to be honest, the journey lately has sucked. The meds are kicking in and throwing me into high gear menopause. Emotional rollercoaster. Hot flashes. Not sleeping. It's so weird because the emotional side of this is so irrational - linked to nothing external - just my body going nuts from it's lack of estrogen. Some days are ok and others feel impossible. Thankfully, my onc saw me on Friday and let me cry big, fat tears. We are going to back off of the oral medication to see if that will help. Maybe the triple Lupron shot and the Arimidex was too much at once. If we can determine it is the oral meds, there are other ones I can try. The Lupron seems non-negotiable. On the heart side of things, I'm reminding myself that there is power in the Name of Jesus. Joy is not elusive. It is found in Him. Connecting back to that promise as best as I can, while giving myself plenty of grace to accept the fact that It's ok to not be ok. And that's so very freeing. I can't change my hormones (or lack there of) but I can change where I fix my eyes and my heart.
2.21 Follow-up ovarian ultrasound. Cyst hasn't changed. Will continue to monitor. Nbd.
2.25 Things seem to be improving a little since we dropped the daily meds, but not feeling quite like myself, still.
2.27 Some sort of major acid reflux-y situation going on. Ick. Maybe related to the Augmentin I'm on for a sinus infection? On a funny note, I've updated the hair photo gallery some. You can see my transition from Richard Simmons to Bob Ross, here. HA!!

July 10th, 2019 - 6am: It has been several months since I've updated this. It's been a bit of a rough road. I didn't know what I was in for with the hormone suppression. Menopause is no joke (ha!) But God is good. I am just writing a quick update this morning as I leave for surgery. Long day ahead, but I have SUCH PEACE this morning. He is my Rock. Thanks so much for ALL of your prayers and support. I will update and catch up on here as soon as I'm able. :)

7.10 Surgery kicked off as scheduled. I was THRILLED to have two special visitors in my pre-op room at 6:30am: my Pastor, Rhonda (who had driven all the way from Greenville that morning!!) and my close friend/previous pastor's wife, Sarah. Wow. Talk about being covered in love (and special faith connections). Things I remember about pre-op: an awe(some anesthesia team, a lot more time with my surgeon than I expected. He drew and drew all over me. Special moments with hubbs. Being awake for longer than I thought I'd be in the actual OR and a sweet, sweet nurse rubbing my arm and holding my hand as they prepped my body. The next thing I remember is waking up to a beautiful nurse that looked just like Denise Huxtable :) That was SIXTEEN HOURS LATER.
7.11 Surgery was successful but 4 hours longer than expected = 16 hours. Wow. Settled into my room where I would spend the next 4 days. When I woke up, I remember feeling like my whole body was crushed. Pain everywhere. Exhausted. Thankfully after rest and pain meds, I felt much better. I was blessed to have Laura (my nurse incognito) drive all the way up to Duke and spend all day and night caring for me. Of course though, I woke up to her decorating my room. She made sure everyone on the floor knew it was my birthday week and that I was a queen. HA!
7.12 Today was like a party in my room, the birthday suite! Frenchy arrived and pampered me with her bag of lotions, chapsticks, magazines and lavender warming pillow. Better than anything was having her with me. She has the heart of a nurturing mom wrapped up in a best friend's body. Then my sister and nephew arrived. Or should I say, a walking hotdog showed up. She was in a hotdog suit! My kids came to visit, too! That did this mama's heart so good! Little man seemed freaked out at first, but I finally got him to give me a good snuggle and smooches in my bed :)
7.13 BEST birthday ever. Who knew celebrating your big 4-0 in the hospital could be so much fun?!? I really have the best friends ever from all seasons of my life: College besties, old besties, new besties, a cancer sister. More on this later...
7.14 Discharge day!
7.21 Really starting to feel like myself! (11 days post-op)
7.22 (12 days post-op) First day going far...back to Duke for post op appointment. The ride was a little bumpy but ok. (Sis fixed that with 90s hip hop). 3 out of 4 drains were removed. One belly/side drain was still producing too much fluid. The plan is to come back in a week to have #4 removed during my appointment with my oncology breast surgeon. My father-in-law gave me a ride back home. His limo service was excellent :) and I was thankful for special bonding time with him. When I got home I was feeling sore and off. Slept for a few hours and really had a hard time waking up for dinner. But nothing can tempt a girl to get out of bed like the Schremp's and their famous, home-cooked spaghetti sauce simmering in my kitchen. As the night went on, the pain got worse. By the end of the night, the area between my armpits and the bottom of my ribs were on fire. Things went downhill from here.
7.30 Appointment with my surgeon at Duke to check out the infection. Turns out it was bad. And deep. He opened one incision on the spot and dug deep to find the infection/liquid filled pockets causing all of the pressure and pain. Quite unexpectedly, he admitted me to the hospital directly from this appointment. Began IV antibiotics.
7.31 Day 2 of IV antibiotics. Infection Disease team is examining culture and waiting for results.
8.1 Day 3 of IV antibiotics. Waiting, waiting,
8.2 Day 4 of IV antibiotics. Infection Disease team determines the exact strain of bacteria and which specific antibiotic they will use to target it. Began those meds around 8pm.
8.3 Day 5 of IV antibiotics.
8.4 Pic line put in so that I can continue IV antibiotics at home. Was hoping to get discharged today...nope.
8.5 Today's the day! DISCHARGED!! Woo-hoo. Thankfully Shawna drove me home. She's been my right hand woman this week. Here before 8am so that I can drink Starbucks instead of watery hospital coffee. Now that's a friend!! Will start at home IV antibiotic infusions 3 times a day and surgeon Kev will pack and unpack my wound twice a day.
8.7 So very thankful for friends using their God-given talents to bless people like me. Tammy rockin' her nursing skills to help with wound care and covering my pic line in Glad Press n' Seal and a trash bag so that I could shower.
8.8 Home health nurse starts to help me with all the things. Wound seems to be doing better. Today is Day 10 of IV antibiotics. Overall, I'm still on the weak(ish) side, can't lift or drive, but I'm starting to see the light at the end of this tunnel.
8.15 Last day of IV antibiotics. Finally!
8.23 Appointment in the Infectious Disease Clinic at Duke. I had tried to reschedule my appointment with my surgeon so that I could see both while at Duke today, with no luck. BUT...I saw my ID doc and she cleared me to have the line removed. Woo-hoo! As Laura and I waited for the nurse to come in, like magic - my surgeon appeared in the room!! He is so awesome. It was an emotional moment as this summer has been FILLED with bad appointments and this was the first good one. Glad Laura could be there with me. She's been to her share of crappy appointments with me. Surgeon said things looked great - healing up as they should. Praise!! So very thankful for a team that goes the extra mile for their patients. Next up, scar revision (because while they are definitely healing up, they still look somewhat Halloween-ish, especially from where the wounds had to be reopened because of the infection).
8.24 Last night I had my first tube-free, drain-free, plastic bag/saran wrap-free shower since July 10th! WOW!
8.31 Noticing a hard, painful section beneath my abdomen scar. Ugggggh.
9.1 It's amazing how much better my body feels now that all those icky antibiotics aren't flowing through me anymore.
9.18 Painful area has gone away for the most part. Praise! Nerve regrowth is a strange process - maybe it was just that. Med management = no fun. It's been a rough few weeks. Hormones suck.
10.10 Brain MRI - monitoring some lesions that showed up in my initials scans. Not cancerous - we just need to make sure they don't grow or change. So far, so good! Praise!
10.18 Next phase of surgery today. This one not nearly as bad. 3 hours, outpatient. Scar revisions, etc. My infection over the summer had jacked up the wound a bit and left scar tissue behind. My rockstar surgeon also did some fat grafting to help with symmetry :)
10.21 While that surgery was "minor"...dude, it hurts!! My sides and belly are not happy.
10.26 My first haircut since I had my head shaved 1.5 years ago. Yay! This made me feel like life is getting back to normal. It's still really short, but thankfully Lisa D. did her magic.
10.30 Back to Duke to get stitches out. They left the ones that dissolve by themselves but removed all the others. I'm so thankful for the surgery team. Still a few more things to take care of on the surgical front, but we've definitely come a long way. It's been a long road, but at the end of the day, I'm glad we went this route.
11.5 Oncology appointment. Bottomline: I need to up my meds. Building up to a better tolerance of the meds that kill my estrogen and put me in menopause. These are the ones I hate - but so far, so good... Adding a little every other day.

2020

January update: same, same. Meds suck. I hate it. I hate not feeling like myself. Trying to decide what to do. I hate that I have such awful reactions to anything that mess with my hormones or lack thereof. I would love to just bag it and forget this ever happened. But then there's the future to think about...

Many asked why I stopped writing in 2020. Out of complete honesty, I got really sick of living my daily struggle with hormone suppressant therapy, not to mention writing about it. One major lesson I've learned, as I mentioned earlier - is that every person's journey with cancer is different. Even if it's the same exact diagnosis. Treatments, medications, reactions - every single thing - effects each person in different ways. For me, the "inactive" treatment was the worst. It's difficult to explain how I felt while taking all the meds to kill/keep my estrogen from feeding potential cancer cells. Many women have zero problems with these meds - but some of us - many of us have an entirely different experience. One that makes daily life extremely difficult, because it changes you in to what feels like a different person (severe mood swings, a daily agitated state, depressed - so very different from who I am normally. I beat myself up a lot for not taking continuing the meds, but I remember specifically writing in my journal that if cancer comes back, you cannot blame yourself - living on these meds was making me a miserable person to be around and that wasn't fair to my husband and kids and it wasn't fair to me. Interesting that when the cancer did return - it was not fueled by estrogen. Those meds had barely a 5% chance of making any difference whatsoever. Now they tell me... In the past, cancer treatment has been more like a one size fits all type of thing - but the strides in research are revealing so many fascinating things - including that AI's may not be the best course of therapy for some women.