WELCOME.
To anyone and everyone that is facing a challenge in some aspect of your life.
People usually hesitate when they share their struggles with me. They are quick to say - "you have cancer...my issue doesn't even compare to that". I stop to remind them that we can't ever compare. Whatever struggle YOU are facing at this moment is HUGE in your life and equally in need of help and hope. That's why I originally started this site back in 2017, when my journey with breast cancer began. My primary goal was and is to encourage those currently facing a struggle. Not necessarily breast cancer, but any struggle. Disease, addiction, mental illness, a child with autism, a failing marriage...the list goes on. This world is broken and life is hard. While a lot of my story on these pages focuses on breast cancer, know that the truths you find here about hope are written for whatever you are facing, too.
It is now 2024 and so much has happened since my original diagnosis of breast cancer in November 2017. In a nutshell (details available on the updates/journal page) after a year of active treatments with chemotherapy, radiation and surgery I entered the hormone therapy portion of treatment. And then, in June of 2021, I found out that breast cancer had returned to my body and had spread to the lymph nodes in my chest (around my heart, lung and collarbone area) as well as, to my femur, sacrum and spine. The cancer was now "metastatic". Before then, I really had no idea what that meant and why it was so different from my original diagnosis.
What is Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Metastatic breast cancer is Stage 4 breast cancer. It is breast cancer that has spread beyond the breast and nearby lymph nodes to other parts of the body, most commonly the bones, lungs, liver or brain. It is the most advanced stage of breast cancer and is terminal. I will say though that many people are living longer and longer because of incredible new developments in treatments. Detailed info on MBC can be found on the Komen website linked here.
So we jumped back into treatment. It was like the Twilight Zone. Many of my chemo nurses, radiation therapists and other providers were the same - which was incredibly comforting (because I adored them) but also played tricks on my mind. Are we back here again? I thought this cancer nightmare was over. After six months of IV chemo, many radiation treatments and femur surgery I was switched to oral chemo. I remained fairly stable for several months, until it returned again. This time a lymph node near my lung and trachea. A few months later, progression showed up in other lymph nodes in my chest and in my bones requiring more treatment. Repeat these last few sentences a few times and you will have a pretty good idea of what life with MBC is like. This time it showed up here ___________ (fill in the blank) and we are trying _________ (treatment). People often ask me when treatment will be done. And that's the difference from BC, it won't be done. Unless God has other plans, I will always be in treatment. We will keep fighting this little beast whenever a treatment stops working or when it pops up somewhere else - just like that arcade game from the 1970's, Whac-A-Mole.
But at the end of the day, I still have hope. Lots of deep, life-changing hope. Some days hope looks different than others - or seems like it's altogether out of reach. But the Truth is that hope is always available. Sometimes God changes our circumstances and sometimes He changes the way we see them. The bottom line is that we can release ANY burden to Him and let Him give us what we need to make it through every difficult thing.
I'm so thankful for the many prayers that are being lifted for me and for our family. Please keep praying and trusting for healing.
UPDATES & JOURNAL
During my first bout with cancer, I started a "Medical Journal" on this site, where I documented my physical experiences of life with breast cancer to help those facing a similar diagnosis or those that might just be curious about what it's like. I chronicled my appointments, tests, chemotherapy treatments, hair loss and all the crazy in-betweens of cancer from Nov. 2017 to Jan. 2020. I've picked back up on that to some extent and continue to try to post updates about scans, treatments and how we are doing, etc. with the goal of keeping friends and family informed and to ask for your prayers. It's really crazy to look back through the hundreds of posts of treatments and scans my body has been through. What a testimony to the fact that God makes us way stronger than we think we are!
Side Note: So many of you are incredibly thoughtful and reach out by texts and calls and I am so thankful, but please know that I am terrible with my phone. I am usually slow to respond because I try to stay disconnected from it most of the time and then when I return to it, it can be quite overwhelming to get back to friends in a timely manner. So if you haven't heard back from me in a while, that's why. My hope is to do a better job of having regular updates here, so that if you are interested, you can check on us,
To anyone and everyone that is facing a challenge in some aspect of your life.
People usually hesitate when they share their struggles with me. They are quick to say - "you have cancer...my issue doesn't even compare to that". I stop to remind them that we can't ever compare. Whatever struggle YOU are facing at this moment is HUGE in your life and equally in need of help and hope. That's why I originally started this site back in 2017, when my journey with breast cancer began. My primary goal was and is to encourage those currently facing a struggle. Not necessarily breast cancer, but any struggle. Disease, addiction, mental illness, a child with autism, a failing marriage...the list goes on. This world is broken and life is hard. While a lot of my story on these pages focuses on breast cancer, know that the truths you find here about hope are written for whatever you are facing, too.
It is now 2024 and so much has happened since my original diagnosis of breast cancer in November 2017. In a nutshell (details available on the updates/journal page) after a year of active treatments with chemotherapy, radiation and surgery I entered the hormone therapy portion of treatment. And then, in June of 2021, I found out that breast cancer had returned to my body and had spread to the lymph nodes in my chest (around my heart, lung and collarbone area) as well as, to my femur, sacrum and spine. The cancer was now "metastatic". Before then, I really had no idea what that meant and why it was so different from my original diagnosis.
What is Metastatic Breast Cancer?
Metastatic breast cancer is Stage 4 breast cancer. It is breast cancer that has spread beyond the breast and nearby lymph nodes to other parts of the body, most commonly the bones, lungs, liver or brain. It is the most advanced stage of breast cancer and is terminal. I will say though that many people are living longer and longer because of incredible new developments in treatments. Detailed info on MBC can be found on the Komen website linked here.
So we jumped back into treatment. It was like the Twilight Zone. Many of my chemo nurses, radiation therapists and other providers were the same - which was incredibly comforting (because I adored them) but also played tricks on my mind. Are we back here again? I thought this cancer nightmare was over. After six months of IV chemo, many radiation treatments and femur surgery I was switched to oral chemo. I remained fairly stable for several months, until it returned again. This time a lymph node near my lung and trachea. A few months later, progression showed up in other lymph nodes in my chest and in my bones requiring more treatment. Repeat these last few sentences a few times and you will have a pretty good idea of what life with MBC is like. This time it showed up here ___________ (fill in the blank) and we are trying _________ (treatment). People often ask me when treatment will be done. And that's the difference from BC, it won't be done. Unless God has other plans, I will always be in treatment. We will keep fighting this little beast whenever a treatment stops working or when it pops up somewhere else - just like that arcade game from the 1970's, Whac-A-Mole.
But at the end of the day, I still have hope. Lots of deep, life-changing hope. Some days hope looks different than others - or seems like it's altogether out of reach. But the Truth is that hope is always available. Sometimes God changes our circumstances and sometimes He changes the way we see them. The bottom line is that we can release ANY burden to Him and let Him give us what we need to make it through every difficult thing.
I'm so thankful for the many prayers that are being lifted for me and for our family. Please keep praying and trusting for healing.
UPDATES & JOURNAL
During my first bout with cancer, I started a "Medical Journal" on this site, where I documented my physical experiences of life with breast cancer to help those facing a similar diagnosis or those that might just be curious about what it's like. I chronicled my appointments, tests, chemotherapy treatments, hair loss and all the crazy in-betweens of cancer from Nov. 2017 to Jan. 2020. I've picked back up on that to some extent and continue to try to post updates about scans, treatments and how we are doing, etc. with the goal of keeping friends and family informed and to ask for your prayers. It's really crazy to look back through the hundreds of posts of treatments and scans my body has been through. What a testimony to the fact that God makes us way stronger than we think we are!
Side Note: So many of you are incredibly thoughtful and reach out by texts and calls and I am so thankful, but please know that I am terrible with my phone. I am usually slow to respond because I try to stay disconnected from it most of the time and then when I return to it, it can be quite overwhelming to get back to friends in a timely manner. So if you haven't heard back from me in a while, that's why. My hope is to do a better job of having regular updates here, so that if you are interested, you can check on us,
BLOG.
All of us are experiencing different levels of pain in our lives – whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual or some combination of the three. And what I’ve learned is that hurting is part of life in a broken world. However, it’s not ok to let that hurt take you hostage – to steal your peace and joy. Your circumstance may not change, but I promise you that the way you look at it doesn’t have to stay the same. Finding joy in the midst of a world falling apart, while difficult - is possible, within your reach and is so worth it.
While I have always intended this part to be a place where I can write and share regularly, it's been difficult to do so. But I have SO many stories that I would love to share. Writing is so life-giving for me so a big prayer request is that I will find the time and space to be able to write and share.
All of us are experiencing different levels of pain in our lives – whether it be physical, emotional, spiritual or some combination of the three. And what I’ve learned is that hurting is part of life in a broken world. However, it’s not ok to let that hurt take you hostage – to steal your peace and joy. Your circumstance may not change, but I promise you that the way you look at it doesn’t have to stay the same. Finding joy in the midst of a world falling apart, while difficult - is possible, within your reach and is so worth it.
While I have always intended this part to be a place where I can write and share regularly, it's been difficult to do so. But I have SO many stories that I would love to share. Writing is so life-giving for me so a big prayer request is that I will find the time and space to be able to write and share.
RESOURCES. NEW resources coming soon!
Now that I've been in this club for quite a few years, I feel like it's my duty to stay abreast of news and resources (no pun intended.) Ha. And I'll continue to work on sharing that information in a cohesive way. This page includes links to information on everything from prevention to how to help your friends that have cancer. For those without cancer, there are things for you to know. Please, please take a few minutes out of your day to school yourself on the basics of breast cancer and then share your knowledge with a friend. If I had caught mine earlier, my life would probably look a whole lot different. I am so thankful to live in a time period where cancer research is changing lives every single day.
Now that I've been in this club for quite a few years, I feel like it's my duty to stay abreast of news and resources (no pun intended.) Ha. And I'll continue to work on sharing that information in a cohesive way. This page includes links to information on everything from prevention to how to help your friends that have cancer. For those without cancer, there are things for you to know. Please, please take a few minutes out of your day to school yourself on the basics of breast cancer and then share your knowledge with a friend. If I had caught mine earlier, my life would probably look a whole lot different. I am so thankful to live in a time period where cancer research is changing lives every single day.
ON FAITH.
I start here, because for me, it all starts here, really. At some point I’ll come back to this and write about my birth story – how He’s had His hand on my life since before I was born. But that’s for another day.** The point here is that I was raised in and have claimed Christianity all my life, however there were periods when I claimed it simply because of my upbringing. Other times it was in words only. The way I lived spoke so much louder than my beliefs. Then there were days of thinking I had to earn God's Love and acceptance - working to be "good enough". Thankfully that is not the case at all. He loves you and I just as we are. In 2009 (while pregnant with my daughter), I sensed His love – the Real Thing. He broke into my world with such Love and Light that I couldn’t possibly stay the same. I started from scratch – reading the Bible and praying for Him to remove all of the damaging blocks {the beliefs, ideas, teachings, etc.} that I had come to accept as truth. This was a turning point. Since then, I've been through my fair share of difficult seasons, but ultimately I have come to know God and that has changed everything.
I have to admit that at times I have difficulty sharing this faith of mine in words. I’ll tell you why in a second, but first know that my attitude regarding this has changed through my current struggle. I see it now as keeping a lifesaving secret all to myself. Like I stole your oxygen mask on a plane going down. I wouldn’t want you to do that to me. But I also know that many people shut down at even the thought of the word Christian or church. For those that have left the church - please remember churches are full of broken people and "church hurt" is real. This isn't about church, at all. It's about knowing Who God is and the beautiful relationship He has for you and I.
There are so many negative things humanity has tied to the word Christian, but if you strip that all away, it simply means follower of Jesus. And Jesus is Love. I am as messed up as the next girl, but I do hope to grow to be more and more loving – like the way He Loves. Legit, authentic Love. So please don't let a preconceived notion about Christianity or God or church steer you away from reading or accepting my story. Know that it is one of Love, shared honestly, from the Truest part of who I am, heart and soul.
**Update: I was fortunate enough to share my story in May 2023 and my birth story is part of that. You can find that here.
BULLETPROOF.
One day as I was getting dinner ready, I heard the Tauren Wells song, "Known", that mentions the word bulletproof. I thought, that’s a perfect description of the Hope I have in the face of this cancer thing. Then I had a disturbing thought: what if it wasn’t cancer. My mind rushed to my personal worst-case scenarios (the loss of a child being one of them). "Would you really still have that Hope, Allison? I mean cancer is really bad, but…" I honestly had to think on it for a while. Then it hit me: If I can’t have that Hope in the face of the worst disasters then what’s the point? Life is hard. Life on this side of heaven is REALLY hard. But I do know of people who have faced the unimaginable with the Grace and Hope that can only come from God Himself. That doesn’t mean there isn’t anguish and pain that the word “difficult” doesn’t even begin to touch. But if I can’t believe Him for the absolute best and through the absolute worst, then I can’t believe Him at all. He’s teaching me this: Faith is a journey. A process. It won’t be complete on this side of Eternity and thankfully, it doesn’t have to be. He loves me just how I am. Doubts, questions and all. He’s pretty amazing that way. With all of that being said, no matter what you believe, I hope that you will find a bit of inspiration in my journey of stumbles and struggles. But mostly of Joy. Radiant Joy. Thanks for reading.
I start here, because for me, it all starts here, really. At some point I’ll come back to this and write about my birth story – how He’s had His hand on my life since before I was born. But that’s for another day.** The point here is that I was raised in and have claimed Christianity all my life, however there were periods when I claimed it simply because of my upbringing. Other times it was in words only. The way I lived spoke so much louder than my beliefs. Then there were days of thinking I had to earn God's Love and acceptance - working to be "good enough". Thankfully that is not the case at all. He loves you and I just as we are. In 2009 (while pregnant with my daughter), I sensed His love – the Real Thing. He broke into my world with such Love and Light that I couldn’t possibly stay the same. I started from scratch – reading the Bible and praying for Him to remove all of the damaging blocks {the beliefs, ideas, teachings, etc.} that I had come to accept as truth. This was a turning point. Since then, I've been through my fair share of difficult seasons, but ultimately I have come to know God and that has changed everything.
I have to admit that at times I have difficulty sharing this faith of mine in words. I’ll tell you why in a second, but first know that my attitude regarding this has changed through my current struggle. I see it now as keeping a lifesaving secret all to myself. Like I stole your oxygen mask on a plane going down. I wouldn’t want you to do that to me. But I also know that many people shut down at even the thought of the word Christian or church. For those that have left the church - please remember churches are full of broken people and "church hurt" is real. This isn't about church, at all. It's about knowing Who God is and the beautiful relationship He has for you and I.
There are so many negative things humanity has tied to the word Christian, but if you strip that all away, it simply means follower of Jesus. And Jesus is Love. I am as messed up as the next girl, but I do hope to grow to be more and more loving – like the way He Loves. Legit, authentic Love. So please don't let a preconceived notion about Christianity or God or church steer you away from reading or accepting my story. Know that it is one of Love, shared honestly, from the Truest part of who I am, heart and soul.
**Update: I was fortunate enough to share my story in May 2023 and my birth story is part of that. You can find that here.
BULLETPROOF.
One day as I was getting dinner ready, I heard the Tauren Wells song, "Known", that mentions the word bulletproof. I thought, that’s a perfect description of the Hope I have in the face of this cancer thing. Then I had a disturbing thought: what if it wasn’t cancer. My mind rushed to my personal worst-case scenarios (the loss of a child being one of them). "Would you really still have that Hope, Allison? I mean cancer is really bad, but…" I honestly had to think on it for a while. Then it hit me: If I can’t have that Hope in the face of the worst disasters then what’s the point? Life is hard. Life on this side of heaven is REALLY hard. But I do know of people who have faced the unimaginable with the Grace and Hope that can only come from God Himself. That doesn’t mean there isn’t anguish and pain that the word “difficult” doesn’t even begin to touch. But if I can’t believe Him for the absolute best and through the absolute worst, then I can’t believe Him at all. He’s teaching me this: Faith is a journey. A process. It won’t be complete on this side of Eternity and thankfully, it doesn’t have to be. He loves me just how I am. Doubts, questions and all. He’s pretty amazing that way. With all of that being said, no matter what you believe, I hope that you will find a bit of inspiration in my journey of stumbles and struggles. But mostly of Joy. Radiant Joy. Thanks for reading.
